Home Inspection Wisdom and Atrocities

Painters, Plumbers, Schmucks and Sorrow

2011-05-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

Where the Wild Mold Grows

Mold - when the water source comes from inside the wall

Ran across a beauty today. It used to be a castle - not any longer.

As is often the case during my inspections, I struck up a conversation during the inspection. He said his former realtor had told him "you don't need a professional inspection on this home - I have a brother in law who is a painter - we should have him do it".

Now, there are no words for such a - well - genius. At best, he should have his licensed burned in front of him. Perhaps dousing him in lighter fluid and playing with matches might be useful. Perhaps the "enhanced interrogation" techniques used at Guantanamo may change is ways. Thank goodness my client recognized him for the true pillar that he is, and found another realtor. The new guy recommended me.

Mold - when the water source comes through the wall on the floor

A Gold Star for a Good Realtor

So as we went around this home, I wondered what Mister painter might have found. Turns out that the home was a great candidate for meth. We took a sample, but I don't want to go there in this blog - there are other blogs to read that outline what I look for.

Mold - notice the water line goes higher than the mold line

We got in the basement and noticed that the carpet had been pulled up. Was there water entry from somewhere? I put on my mold sleuth hat, and we went looking.

Is there a Schmuck's Anonymous?

After some searching and a little use of gravity, we found that a recently installed tub had some problems. The first? It didn't drain. The second? It did drain, but from a leaking sewer line. The entire contents of the tub had repeatedly ended up in the family room, as evidenced by the mold history.

Conserve Water?

The carpet was so wet it shows the soggy carpet footprints

Now I've heard someone say "Conserve water; shower with a friend". It's an interesting thought, but has some drawbacks. Same with donating your bath tub water to the people in the family room. This carpet was wet enough to show the footprints we had just made! It was swamp time, and there were millions of creatures in that swamp - and growing.

We've Only Just Begun

Then we find that the water heater was leaking and had caused its own mold problems. It was hidden because the owner had hooked up a hose to the drain - of course he could have fixed the leak, but no. He ran the leak to a drain. Maybe the dude was a painter. I don't know.

Don't use electrical tape to fix plumbing leaks

Electrician?

Or maybe he was an electrician, as evidenced by the electrician's tape he used to attempt a leak seal on another ceiling.

The Good Ol Moral

I guess the moral of this one ain't hard. Get a pro. Whether it's a plumber you need, or an inspector. Otherwise, guys like me will call you a schmuck on the internet - and you'll deserve it.

Drainage Nazi: Good Gutters Going Ghoul

2011-05-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

So where's that water gonna drain to?

So I actually had a little bit of time today - what a refreshment that was! I got looking through my files and did some organization. Now, I've written about drainage before, but It's always new and refreshing to me! And how could I truly earn the "Drainage Nazi" title if I didn't obsess over it?

The Drainage Nazi: He's Baaaack!

Despite my many rantings, the volume of water that finds its way near America's homes is somewhere between monstrous

The mother of Utah Lake. Standing water at left center

and humongomucho. As evidence, I give you the mini-lake Utah, found on the side of a home (pic below). Clay soil here - it doesn't drain, except into the basement. And the 1-inch depth of standing water was right there, waiting to make me look like a genius by finding its way right into basement land.

Drainage into the Window Well: dtw

Let's just say it's common for me to find a condition where water drains toward the foundation or window well. My sweet little macro for one is dtw. The other? Yep. dtf.
Saves me the pain of having to type out all the letters as I'm doing the inspection.

Is it common? Severely so.

Then there's dsh

Um, weeds growing in the window frame?

How much water are they getting?

Ah, the joys of not having to type out the full sentence. Dsh: don't spray the house. Now, I see it commonly but you gotta love the photo here: weeds growing in the crack of the concrete under
the window frame? Really? Exactly how much water are we placing on the frame? There are mold and termite remediation companies everywhere that owe their careers to these kind of practices. Oh yeah - and me. It's so easy to look like a genius when I go way out on a limb and predict this kind of stuff.

How many errors in this picture? I count, hmmm

Being Highly Recommended Ain't What It Used to Be

2011-04-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

Got a call the other day - somebody knew that they had meth contamination in their home so I took off my home inspector hat and put on my meth man mantra.

The home was in the neighborhood just north of Thanksgiving point. After weaving my way in, I met with the guy and asked him what he knew of the inspector and the way he did his meth testing. I know the guy - he's one of the better inspectors. He said that the guy had come highly recommended.

Now THAT offends me

From my perspective, I have two titles: the first is "Drainage Nazi", the second is "The guy who comes highly recommended." I was offended. I object to others calling themselves my name - or my official title(s) . It's like they were stealing my social security number or making my dog work nights when I thought he was sleeping.

So I put my offendedness in my hip pocket and moved forward. As we walked though the house to gage the contamination and assess where best to take the meth samples, I asked where the inspector had tested. The response offended me: the walls? My blog readers are better trained than that! This inspector is somewhat lacking in his "highly recommended" training!

It would be a Highly Recommended day

So we check out the basement. Seems that a bedroom window well needed desperately to be dug out and the entire area around it drained into the well. Did the previous dude notice all that? Nay.

Bathing in Urine

We went out to the garage - quite often the smoking occurs out there. There was a heavy smell all right, but not associated with smoking. The place reeked of pet urine. I asked if the previous inspector had identified it as urine or had described what to do about it. The guy was impressed I knew so much on the subject, and his "highly recommended" friend's stock was dropping.

Furnace Fibers Fray my Face

Then I look at the furnace, because any good CEI blog reader knows that's where to test. The filter was OK, but the furnace blower was covered in a good half inch of dust. I asked if the previous inspector noticed that? You can guess the answer.

The Revenge of the Highly Recommended

So I got him a couple of correctly selected samples, based on his thoughts and based on the home's layout. Handed them to him and prepared to leave. I was proud of myself because this guy was now well served. He got the meth samples he wanted, he got much more meth information than he knew he could get, and he got a bonus mini-inspection that slams down the stamp on my title - with emphasis. Gotta love that. The title is mine once more.

So as we were leaving, he walks to his car, but confused. He asks me for the fee for what I'd done. No charge. He's taking it to the lab so I never intended to charge him.

Now that's highly recommended. I think he'll mention that to his realtor.

How to Die in Your Home, Part 2

2011-03-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

Warm air flows uphill. The flue must also go that direction

So I teach a class to realtors on the "fear factor" any press: good old Carbon Monoxide - also known as CO.

Dying Inside the Home: Vissues - you know - meth, mold, radon, asbestos, lead, EIFS etc. It always draws plenty of attention from realtors, and deservedly so - plenty of good deals are lost because someone flips a lid over one of these issues. Funny thing is, based on my experience all of these items put together don't approach the level of risk associated with an item that never gets arious Recipes

Carbon monoxide flows right out the flue,
then back into the home via the swamp cooler
- a very efficient way to die

Now if you want to die, there are a variety of ways inside your home to make it happen. I read an obituary a number of years ago about an elderly lady who hired the cheap roofer. He left his tools up on the roof at the end of the first day. Yeah. Lazy. Things get worse though. He went back the next day, knocked on the lady's door and got no answer. She was dead. It seems that the roofer covered her chimney flue with his tools, and she died in her house that night.

I have any number of stories as relates to CO. Back in the day, an open hatchback nearly did in my own family. Bottom line is: CO can get you and it needs to be respected.

America: Land of Innovation

You can't create safe elbows at water heater flues with tape

So when I run into the obvious at home inspections, it always makes me wonder how much people love their own lives, and perhaps the lives of their families. It is no mystery to most of us that flues have carbon monoxide, an that CO is a poison, and that we should get the stuff out of the house. Yet the innovative ways we use to keep the stuff in the home are fascinating.

The Moral of this Morbid Story

Here's the thing: if flue air wants to rise, and it's poisonous, it should be allowed to rise right on out of the house. Making the warm air flow downward in the flue? Not a good plan if staying alive is the goal. Using tape instead of a ductwork elbow? Hmmm. Sucking the poisonous gas back into the home via the swamp cooler? Cheaper than a bad divorce.

But if you love your family and you'd prefer that they stick around awhile and take care of you when you're old? Well, it'd be a real good idea to make sure that stuff leaves the home - and stays out.

Meth, meet Methuselah

2011-01-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

So after doing a few meth cleanups and identifying a number of meth homes lately, I've begun to think that I'm one of the best - if perhaps not the best - meth inspector in the State. This could have something to do with the fact that I'm one of only two inspectors on the Utah State meth specialist list. Guess all I gotta do is beat that guy.

It Might Look Like Kansas, But...

So I was in a house the other day, and amidst everything else, was mentally checking off the place for meth. Now typically, a meth house will have certain identifying features. You might have read in a previous blog how door frames can indicate one sign of meth. I'm starting to believe that nobody knows that but me. And now - you. There are other signs of potential meth contamination, i.e. dirtyness, etc.

But This Had None of Those Signs

I'm a professional pessimist. It makes me a good inspector. You know, you get into one of those old homes and you look for the signs of meth. This home had none of 'em. None. Why? Because it had been very recently remodeled. So my twisted brain starts twisting: why would they remodel? To sell it, or because the place was trashed from the meth lifestyle?

Dr. Amazing Strikes Again

So with 0, count em, zero, signs of meth use in this home, my meth flag is up. I recommend a meth test. Some thought I'd fallen off the deep end. Of course I wouldn't be telling this story if it hadn't turned out like I'd suspected. Just got the result back today: meth use.

I was able to council the client as to what the number meant, and how to address this issue with the bank. The deal went forward, and everyone is grinning. Love it when things go that way...

Could Grandma Really be THAT twisted?

2010-12-15T08:36:00.000-08:00

Gotta love home inspections. Every time you think you've seen everything, something else comes along.

It's no secret to many of my old time clients that I have a 70's phobia. That was my decade. I remember thinking in high school that we were so "normal", and nobody could make fun of us like we did the 50's. How wrong was I? Let's just say me and Nevill Chamberlain (British dude who thought he could make peace with Hitler) are buddies. Galactically, astronomically wrong. Wrong like my dog who runs off when I call him and wants a treat for it. Wrong like a guy who's driving with his wife in the car. That kind of wrong.

People Did Stuff in the 70's.

Sometimes I'll mention my phobia of the 70's to buyers, and they'll raise an eyebrow or two and ask why: Weird stuff just happened back then. We were all apparently high on grass. Not the drug; just grass - the stuff that comes flying out of the lawn mower.

Swag up that shower, Grandma

We invented lead and asbestos in the 70's. We invented shag carpet. We invented psychedelic colors and bare foot footprints walking up walls in our home. We invented aluminum wiring and a toilet paper shortage. Yep. I remember it all because I was a gangly non-stoner. It was brutal.

Grandma! Wrong!

But to add to the psychotic remnants of the 70's, we have swag lighting. I took this shot at a recently completed home inspection, and thank goodness for modern photography! I'm not sure that 1000 words would be enough to describe all that is wrong in this picture.

Asbestos puncturing, electrical shock issues, rust and most of all, tortured aesthetic rules are being shattered like a big psychedelic bus blasting through a glass building! Perhaps grandpa had something to swag about. I don't know, but I'm proposing a new bureau: the aesthetics police.This kind of atrocity must never happen in civilization again.

Meth Education You Don't Get In School

2010-12-06T19:15:00.000-08:00

This One's Beautiful

So I was called out to a known meth contamination home today. This one's in Sandy. The home was in a middle class neighborhood - it was about 2000 sq feet and I'd say it was built in the mid 90's. As I walked in, I realized that some of the signs I look for were not in this home. Others were.

I noticed that the carpet and drapes had all been ripped out. Apparently someone before me had tried to do a cleanup and failed. I'm certain that's because they did the wrong set of things, but that's a blog for another day.

This Ain't Book Larnin' Bessie

As I looked around, I noticed the "messy" factor was there, despite the gutting the home had received. Check. That's a meth flag. Then I noticed something that I'd seen in other meth homes.

Are You Ready for a Secret?

Door frames. The books tell you to look for messiness, for stains, for poor maintenance. Then experience teaches you to to look double careful in the low end homes and the foreclosures. More meth there. But now? Door frames. At this home and at some of the other meth homes I've cleaned up, we've had door frame damage. This fits very nicely with the profile.

I know a guy who used to be a tweaker. The stories he tells about what he did to people while high will curl your hair - that is if your hair started straight. If your hair is already curly, let's go with Afro.

In any case, let's just say that meth users get emotional. Angry. Livid. Raging psychopathic conflagrations of, well, you get the idea.

Looking at a House?

So next time you're looking at a home and you see that a door frame has been pounded, show everyone how intelligent and street smart you are. Think Meth. Then, test it or call me and have me test it. Your husband / wife / clients will think you're amazing and love you forever.

Nothing Cool Rhymes With Carbon Monoxide

2010-11-29T16:57:00.000-08:00

When attempting to come up with something that's readable, it helps to rhyme, or have some pithy phrase. BTW, who invented the word "pithy" anyway? It's an awkward word.

Flue isn't even above the water heater exhaust

Carbon Monoxide: Not Good

I've run into a few good Carbon Monoxide (CO) stories lately. Some schmuck lawyer landlord thinks that because his property's CO reading wasn't zero, it must be OK. The dude may sue me for having a problem with a continuous inflow of poison gas into his apartment - who knows. In any case, pretty sure here that Carbon Monoxide ain't cool. I'll trade threats of lawsuit for those girl's lives. The girls win, lawyer man.

Interesting Words

See how the flue attachments show an air gap at the wall?

But I've run into a plethora (now that's a good word) of other pithy CO issues recently. A home just a couple of days ago had a water heater that failed to have the flue covering the exhaust. What does that mean? It means that the CO-poisoned air now goes into the living space - not up the exhaust.

And in Other Developments

Then there's this picture. In this shot (at right) we have a very poor seal between furnace/water heater flue and the chimney flue. Guess where that poison gas gonna go? You betcha. Right into your toddler's lungs.

Exhaust out the flue, then back into the home via swamp cooler. Artistic.

And That's Not All

I have plenty of stories about raccoons nesting in chimneys. That's a story for another day, but this one's new: How about the chimney being blocked by pigeons? Yep!

A realtor told me about how he popped his head up a chimney only to discover a few pigeons. Some of these pithy pigeons were live, some dead. Add the obligatory pigeon poop and eggs, and we have a pigeon omelete in the chimney. After you're done with that thought, here's the next: if the CO can't leave the living space, it stays.

The Inevitable Pithy Moral

I've been learning recently that some of the most obvious statements can be the most meaningful if you look under the hood. That said, here's an obvious statement: don't mix CO and your family. I've may have saved some folks' lives recently, and sure am grateful that they opted into choosing an inspection. For the rest of you that are not selling your home? Do me a favor and go take a look at your water heater/ furnace connections. I'll sleep better if you do.

Drainage Nazi, The Remake

2010-10-26T18:13:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has ever hung around me on an inspection knows I'm a drainage freak. I have adopted the term "Drainage Nazi". I hold to this term like a baby monkey holds onto monkey mama; Now lest there be any mistake among us Gringos, Baby Monkeys hold tight - here's why: let go, and you're snake food. The same applies as relates to drainage.

Here's Why - Again

Clay and water make a train through the kitchen

So I was at a home in Spanish Fork yesterday. A Realtor friend had called me out to take a long hard look at things in her basement. The drainage pattern in the back yard wasn't what it should have been, and then - a rainstorm. That's all it took. The clay soil washed into the window well, then flowed into the basement kitchen, giving the floor the kind of polish it's never had.

$10 Fix or $10,000 Fix? Pick One
I talk a lot about how home inspection issues can result in a 10 dollar fix, or a ten thousand dollar fix, depending on what you know. This is yet another example of that. A little bit of grading may have done wonders. Instead, now it's time to do mold remediation. The cost of that? Priceless. Somebody's getting a big payday.

But She Can Just Call the Insurance, Right?

So in this home is a mom, living in the basement of her daughter's place. The daughter lives in an other state. She's "taking care of it'. But this is no problem, right? Can't she can just call the insurance?

Nope.

The insurance company told her they think it's not an overland flood, hence, she's between a rock and a hard place. Either she gets to eat this cost which she certainly can't afford, or pass it on to her daughter.

The train continues under the bookcase and rug

Yeah. The daughter who is letting her live there out of kindness. That daughter. Dumping that on your own family would be absolutely inhumane.

The Inevitable Moral of the Story

Drainage can be brutal. If you haven't read my Home Maintenance Guide yet, please do so asap. It can be found at www.homeguidez.com/ebook.htm. It outlines all the ways you can get hammered by drainage issues, and lets you know how to deal with them. In this case, a simple berm, or swale, could have performed miracles. Don't let this happen to you.

About Greatness and Its Recognition

2010-10-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

So this is a web site about home inspection issues, atrocities and otherwise. Perhaps I can put this one in the wisdom area. It really has nothing to do with home inspections, but much to do with atrocity and wisdom.

I was at a Utah Home Makeover after-party last night - they had great food and a great musician. Dude's name was Stephen Nelson I think. I saw him talking to his girlfriend from behind a keyboard. I am a Jim Brickman fan, so I asked him to play something. He just knew it. Not only could he play Brickman, but he could do it impromptu, never having seen the notes on a sheet.

That was the warmup

As he began to play for the crowd toward the end of the evening, I found that his artistic skills were boundless. He could not only play Brickman, but he did a great Billy Joel and his other stuff had endless heart. He played with the heart that he wrote his stuff with. I was awed by this kid, and his skill in his craft. The dude is already amazing and he's 20-something.

What got me is that only myself and 2 or 3 others really noticed the guy. Of a crowd of 20-30, nearly all just kept yacking - loudly. Kids were flying around the room while this picasso of the piano practiced his masterpieces.

Greatness isn't always noticed

This was my second lesson in greatness recently. The other lesson was very similar, but from both I have learned one clear lesson. Greatness is not always recognized. In fact, it's usually not recognized. Picasso, Lincoln, Moses, any of them could show up as a fat guy in a t-shirt and be largely ignored today - at least by the masses.

Moral of this story

I'm not sure what to take of this. I've been searching for greatness in my own life. Perhaps I learn that greatness in myself or in others is great in itself, and does not need to be validated.

It's definitely more fun to be noticed though.

Fall-through is different than follow-through

2010-10-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

So I was working on the Heart2Home project today, and pretty much tired of doing my official duties as volunteer coordinator. While parking my hiney on a chair is something I often do exceptionally well, today I was in the mood for something else.

What? Me Work?

The projects going on at the time were an addition for Presley's new room (more info about this room at www.heart2homefoundation.org), relocating the power to the home, and stripping off the tar & gravel roof. So I got up on the ladder and went after it. We peeled the roof off like an orange.

Now, I've never been a big fan of tar and gravel because it's one of the most uninspectable roofing types that there is. The whole thing can look great, but if a small area is not covered by the gravel, or somehow becomes exposed, you get cracking. Then you get leaking.

It Happened

The whole roof deck was a mine field of places you couldn't step. Soft deck here, very soft there. Scrambled eggs over there. Stripping off the tar was more than an adventure, because you had to pay lots of attention to where your feet where, and where you put them next. Finally a buddy of mine did it. He went through. No injuries gratefully - except a sizeable assault to his pride.

The Moral of the Story

But here's what I'm getting to. Tar and Gravel? Not Good. This roof had rotted for many years because water was getting in from everywhere. As I do inspections in the future, I plan to relate this story often. The surface may look OK, but there may be minute cracks. Even if they have been covered, there may have been minute cracks, and leaks, and rot, in the past.

Save Yourself from This Terror

If you can avoid tar and gravel on your sloped roof, by all means - do so. It would save me from having to deliver bad news to whoever wants to buy your home.

How to Not Have Your House Burn Down

2010-08-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

So this isn't wisdom learned directly from a home I inspected, but I learned it at an inspection, so I guess it counts. This story is a bit of a doozy, so read on:

If the smoke alarms are going off, there might be a fire

You know Jeff Foxworthy and his gig about "If (fill in the blank), you might be a redneck"? Well here's one I learned recently. "If the smoke alarms go off and you don't think there's a fire, you might be a, well, an idiot".

One of my home inspection clients recently told me about some folks they knew who had their home burn down around their knees. It seems the home had been hit by lightning, and all the smoke alarms went off. These guys figured the lightning caused the alarms to go off, so they ignored them.

Not an Excellent Move

So it turns out the lightning lit the shingles and attic on fire, which set off the smoke alarms. They did their job, but the homeowners went about their way of watching South Park. Or perhaps it was Gilligan's Island. I always loved that show too.

The Moral of the Story

So the moral of this one ain't hard. There's a pause button on the remote. Learn where it is and how to use it. It's really a useful tool, and then you can get your meal without hurrying. Wonderful thing, them pause buttons - technology's wonderful ain't it?

Windows Won't Weep When Water Won't Weak

2010-08-17T12:31:00.000-07:00

OK, my apologies for being Elmer Fudd, but blogs are supposed to be readable, right?

Hard to see here, but that frame was full with water and flowing over

So I am definitely having a water week. Water into basements, water into windows, water water everywhere. Today I was called out to a home because the buyer knew that a window in the garage was showing mold damage. I looked at the window, and sure enough, the trough was full! The sprinklers (I know, I've never preached anywhere before that sprinklers shouldn't spray the home) were hitting the windows, then falling down into the frame, where they plugged up the weep holes.

Presto!

Then just like that, weep holes plugged, we have Lake Magna.

Check out the flow coming out of that weep hole after opening

I Felt Like Moses

So I went back around the garage to the exterior to see why the weep holes weren't weeping. Good ol' combination of dirt and hardness had these weep holes plugged up like my dog after he eats marshmellows.

So, rather than part the Dead Sea, I opened up Lake Magna. Used the screwdriver on this mosquito pond and Presto! It drained like a politician's face when he's told his state's pork got cut.

Moral of the Story

Window weep holes. Poor impoverished creatures that they are - here's the lesson: 1: Don't spray the house. 2: Make sure the water running down the window actually drains out. It's another task, but it beats mold. 3: Don't spray the house.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Structural Surprises in Saratoga Springs

2010-08-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took off my Garth the Home Inspector hat, and put on my Garth the Structural Engineer hat. I was called out to Saratoga Springs to one of the large homes that bordered right on the lake. It did have an amazing view. I'm thinking the contractor wasn't as good as the view.

Notice the crack in the bottom left center and the buckle at right center

Oops

So the lender already thought it might have had structural issues. He was right. The home had two balconies in back, upper and lower. The structural supports for the lower unit were not just bent, but based on all appearances, completely broken. The deck couldn't even support its own weight. Buckles and sagging and images of a Hollywood collapse. The photos don't begin to do it justice. No way I would stand on that deck. None.

But That Wasn't Even the Worst of It

The deck sagged so much it pulled the fasteners right out

The home had other issues. This lake sediment is very silty, and consolidates much. It seems the contractor did a less than masterful job of compacting all of his backfill around the home, so you get a free thrill ride just navigating the concrete.

It Got Worse in The Garage

I've seen soil settlement this bad only once before. Apparently under the garage, the contractor must have just backed up the backhoe, and filled in a deep chasm. Maybe a gorge of some variety. The garage slab had settled over 12 inches in some areas! The home above the slab dangled, hanging on only by the support provided by the frame itself! It was frightening.

Yeah, those are my sunglasses, there for perspective

Moral of the Story

Pouring concrete on non-backfill soil is good. Soil compaction is good. Shooting the contractor if he pushes loose fill back into the hole near the foundation: very good. It's also good to watch the contractor, and if he tries to make the deck supports out of sticks and twigs: well, that would be a wonderful idea.

The Renewal of the Drainage Nazi, Part 1097

2010-08-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

Lake Bonneville, part 2

As I've probably said more times than anyone would want to count, sometimes I begin to doubt. Could I possibly be going overboard? I've been called the Drainage Nazi - a term I assume with some glee. No wait, not glee - that word's kinda gay. How about if I assume the term with pride? With gumption? With an evil sneer? That's better.

Psychosis Recharged

At any rate, it comes down to this: every time I start to think I'm too psychotic about drainage, I get a new lesson that tells me I ain't seen it all yet. Today was one of those kind of days. Basement entry door. Right after I get done spilling my guts to the client about the many, many ways that water can get into a home, I run into this.

Inside a very finished and beautiful basement great room, I open the basement back door to check out how things are doing out there. You could have kept fish in this pond. And the water level? I have absolutely no idea why it hadn't spilled over into the family room. Thankfully and miraculously, the carpet was dry.

Where's The Villain?

So now the question is Why? and Where from? Was it groundwater? Was it surface water? From the roof? From the sprinklers? Broken head? I didn't want to test anything because another drop would certainly have began the flooding disaster in the basement, and I didn't want to be sued today. Not today.

Bottom Line Me

The drain was small, but it worked. Too well. After skipping a lot of steps here that didn't get skipped at the inspection, we found that the water was actually being caused by a sprinkler head on the other side of the concrete. It soaked the ground there, and subbed down against the basement entry, then via water pressure pushed its way back up through the drain, where lake Bonneville 2 was now located.

Moral of the Story

I've never said this before, I know. Don't spray the house. Keep water away from the foundation or it will find its way to places that ruin your day.

Just for good measure, and a good laugh, this is another shot from the same house. As I described in my book: Don't spray that house. It won't grow.

The Home Owners Don't Know

2010-08-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

I did an inspection yesterday in East Cedar Hills. It was a very nice neighborhood above the canyon road.4800 square feet, 2001. Pretty home, impeccable yard. Sometimes when I meet the seller and the buyer is not there yet, I'll take a minute to shoot the bull. I asked him what issues he was aware of.

Dude Was Honest and Successful

Now, this is a very successful man who was upgrading a gorgeous 4800 square foot home with a dream yard to an 11000 square foot home. To say he was successful would be the world's easiest call. He was also straightforward and honest, and a good guy to be around.

I say all that to get to one point. He had no idea what issues were found at his house. Not because he was a dummy, but he just didn't know what he didn't know.

Um, That Part Slides West

In this part of Cedar Hills, there is quite a history of settlement and sliding. I've seen it in a number of homes in that area. When I asked him what the issues were, he told me that there was just one: the driveway near the road had cracked because of a sprinkler leak.

How wrong he was. This area had cracked because of soil settlement. The settlement also showed up at the driveway slab near the house, under the a/c compressors, and on the back side of the home at the patio, where settlement was stressing the deck above.

That's Not All Folks

His home also had other fairly obvious issues. Electrical plugs that didn't work at all, appliances not working, wood to soil contact, etc. It all surprised him.

The moral of the story? Seller disclosures are nice, but they don't know much. Bear that in mind, and consider it a given that after my inspection, you'll know more about the home than the owners do. Is that bragging on my part? Perhaps. I'm a jerk like that sometimes.

More Meth Musings

2010-08-06T07:17:00.000-07:00

So based on the meth homes I have been cleaning up lately, I was coming to the conclusion that most meth homes are the rentals or bottom-enders that are trashed. Yesterday I got an education. I checked out two places that, according to the tests taken by other home inspectors, came out positive for meth. One is a 4-plex, the other a small home - both in Utah County.

They Sparkled

Neither of these showed any sign of dirtiness or meth contamination - this week.

Both of them had been renovated. The 4-plex had four cute and benign little living spaces, all dressed up nice, with excellent paint condition and newer carpets. Even the decor was nice in these units. No stains, no trashiness, nothing. Yet it tested positive for meth. Seems they had painted and carpeted since the bad renter moved out.

Same at the home. The new buyers were investors who had gone through the place and replaced almost everything. The kitchen, bathrooms, paint, carpet, everything. The one area they hadn't replaced was the area that tested positive for meth - the duct system.

What To Add to My Psychosis Check-Sheet

I often tell people that new paint and/or carpet can be a bad thing. You only get to see as much history as the paint is old. Often, when the paint is new in an area, I'll wonder why out loud. It's kinda backwards thinking, I know, but it's the right thing to do when you're in the business of being a professional pessimist.

Now I've added to that psychosis. So now, when I see new paint and carpet my new question is: Why? Are they covering over or replacing the stained conditions that formerly indicated a meth house?

That whole "why?" thing. Amazing what it opens up when you think things are so easy.

A home made bidet?

2010-07-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

Sick and Wrong

Sometimes when doing home inspections I come across the most insane, macabre, or just plain sick and wrong sort of issues. I generally just groan and keep on moving, but later I go back and realize just how wrong they are. That happened today.

How to Bidet, White Trash Style

Now, bidets generally are something I don't see often, and they still amuse me. Bidets are like twitter. I don't get them. The whole "why" thing makes me scratch my bald head like a teenager playing scratch and sniff on a $5 lottery ticket.

Cleanliness is Next to, um, Insanity?

So why someone would hook up a tee to the plumbing and run a hose over the floor, to a spray head located near the toilet? Here's my question for these folks: if you're that committed to "clean", what about all the contaminated water that doesn't find its way back into the toilet? You gonna use the sprayer to spray that somewhere?

So I passed it through my home inspection filter. It's a fixture. It's there and apparently functional. But it's not cool. I wrote it up as a potential leak. Bidets are not cool, but fake bidets? Kinda like fake cancer - nobody should have one.

Big O Adoration

2010-07-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

So this isn't about home inspections, but many of you know that I hold customer service as near to my heart as well managed roof drainage and clean window wells.

I was talking to a friend of mine. Chet at Big O in Lehi. What a guy - but I digress. He has been advised to write his own book on customer service - a move I wholeheartedly support. Nobody gets it like this guy. He's trying to avoid stepping on my toes because he knows I wrote "Creating Passionate Customers", but I know that his book can only improve the quality of literature in the field, and I'd love to work with him toward success. So I tried to reassure him to move forward and remain completely unconcerned about stepping on any toes that may belong to me.

Taking from a Giver

I told him that I often feel like a taker around him, because I'm always going in to ask favors, or discounts, or pick his brain. He always gives. And I always get from him. No one else does this - just him.

I told him that. As a humble way of trying to beg his way out of being complimented, he went into a paragraph on the phone about how he is a taker in another way. He takes people's wisdom, their experiences, their character, their thoughts, and incorporates what he can learn from everyone he serves into his life. Sorry Chet, but that's not being a taker. That's being a very cool guy. I told him that his attempt to ditch my praise was only one of the most powerful paragraphs I had heard in my life.

Giving Until You Have Everything

From my taker's perspective though, I suspect that he's right. He does take more in all his giving than anything taken by the takers. His soul is full, and he's a pure pleasure to be around. I hope to learn more and take from this giver in a new way - the way he takes. It will improve my home inspection business as well as my life.

www.crossroads engineers.com is my web site. If you read this, and after I do an inspection for you. Please let me know how well I have served you. Oh, and go check out Chet and his pals. Great customer service can be a hinge point on your life. He does it well.

Raccoon Ramifications

2010-07-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

So I need to unload my raccoon stories here. There are a number of them but here's one: I was doing a home in Alpine, not far from my own home. The client had a few specific questions for me on this home because there were some obvious issues. One of them was the apparent water damage at two of the outer corners on the home. It looked like water was leaking from the roof onto the corner of the bedroom, where the water expanded along the corner of the sheetrock.

So, Like, Is That Water?

The damage took a pyramid shape on the sheetrock, and the obvious question was "where is the water coming from?" So I got on the roof. Much of the rest of the home was trash, but the roof was in great condition. No leaks. Not even any areas where leaks could potentially occur. The water wasn't coming from the roof.

Now this is more than a bit odd because plumbing doesn't go in the attic - it's too cold up there in the winter. Plumbing would burst and cause heavy water problems. Nonetheless, that was one of few remaining possible sources for the water damage.

Insulation Hallways

I got into the attic later, and found that there was no plumbing. I did notice however, that the insulation was tracked down in areas, and toward the center of the attic there were large feces - the size that a larger dog would make. It was then that I realized what was happening. The attic had raccoons. They were making their solid donations in the center, but like other animals, would go to the corner to do their water damage. Apparently urine smells worse than poop if you're a raccoon.

Maybe it's Water with Some Flavoring

So I learned to be even more careful about watching for methods for raccoons to get into the attic, and I learned that pathways in the attic insulation are dead giveaways for raccoons. I also learned one other thing: sometimes water damage isn't water damage. Sometimes it's something else.

Garth Haslem

www.crossroadsengineers.com

Psycho Tubology

2010-06-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the mundane gets more interesting from time to time. I was doing an inspection the other day, and as part of the routine, I filled the jetted tub and turned on the jets. This tub uses an air switch - the kind that you push in and the tub turns on. Hit it again, it turns off. Fairly simple.

That Jet Don't Fly

So this time, I press the button and the jets sputter but don't come on. I press it again, and the jets fail and the button stays in. It didn't pop back out. That sucks, but it's just another part of a home inspection where something doesn't work. I wrote it up and went on.

Then I get a call from a psycho woman who wants to yell at me and have me fix it immediately. You know the scene: pissed off woman yelling at someone. You can't reason, you can't talk, you can't tie your shoes. Nothing you say is what they want to hear, unless it's something that sounds like "yes dear".

Everyone Makes Me Happy - Some Do It By Leaving

After she was mostly done with the rant, I found the opportunity to create some value. It seems I really had screwed up. I left the lights on in her home and she felt offended because I hadn't respected her home, and by extension, I hadn't respected her.

Now, I could be grateful that I wasn't married to her. That may be true. More importantly though, I recharged a key principle of doing home inspections: respect the home. Respect the owners. They do qualify as customers, and leaving the lights on is not a sign of professionalism. I'll make more of an effort to take care of that in the future.

Respect Always - Or Have Your Fingernails Pulled Out

As for the tub switch? It wore out. Seems to me that because I left the lights on, it falls to me now to replace the worn out switch. So be it. It's all part of learning - sometimes the hard way.

Garth Haslem

www.crossroadsengineers.com

When Good FHA Inspectors Go Bad

2010-06-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

I was called out to an inspection in Provo today. It was cool because this little development was originally built by Geneva Steel as a company town. I've grown up in Utah County, and my dad worked for all of my childhood at Geneva steel, but I never knew that this little area existed, or that it was a Geneva Steel town. All the homes were identical and small, but were fairly well maintained as viewed from the street.

Quaint

So I was paid to go take a look at a structural question. It seems the foundation had moved in this old house, resulting in a crack. The foundation wasn't bowed out. There were no water issues, just an old foundation doing what old concrete foundations do: they crack a bit and move around somewhat.

There's Two Kinds of Concrete: What's Cracked, and What's Gonna Crack

It was sad charging this guy for the inspection. Here's a thought that may take some money out of my pocket, but so be it: Foundations support a vertical load. Concrete cracks. If the concrete cracks are vertical, it usually has more to do with the concrete than with structural stresses. The structure is fine - usually - when the cracks are vertical. This foundation was still more than capable of bearing the structural load. I passed it.

Now, there's a big red flag going up in my head. Please don't assume from reading this that any and all foundation cracks are meaningless. I can look quickly and determine what's happening, but that's because I'm a structural engineer and a very experienced home inspector (being in the biz since 1993 gives a guy some background, but it also makes you an old dude).

Moral of the Story

Foundation cracks are like dog donations on your lawn. It happens. The trick is to prevent the cracks from resulting in indirect but related problems, like water entry, termites, rot and mold. Keep the water out and you'll be in much better shape.