How to Not Have Your House Burn Down

So this isn't wisdom learned directly from a home I inspected, but I learned it at an inspection, so I guess it counts. This story is a bit of a doozy, so read on:

If the smoke alarms are going off, there might be a fire

You know Jeff Foxworthy and his gig about "If (fill in the blank), you might be a redneck"? Well here's one I learned recently. "If the smoke alarms go off and you don't think there's a fire, you might be a, well, an idiot". 

One of my home inspection clients recently told me about some folks they knew who had their home burn down around their knees. It seems the home had been hit by lightning, and all the smoke alarms went off. These guys figured the lightning caused the alarms to go off, so they ignored them.

Not an Excellent Move

So it turns out the lightning lit the shingles and attic on fire, which set off the smoke alarms. They did their job, but the homeowners went about their way of watching South Park. Or perhaps it was Gilligan's Island. I always loved that show too.

The Moral of the Story

So the moral of this one ain't hard. There's a pause button on the remote. Learn where it is and how to use it. It's really a useful tool, and then you can get your meal without hurrying. Wonderful thing, them pause buttons - technology's wonderful ain't it? 

Windows Won't Weep When Water Won't Weak

OK, my apologies for being Elmer Fudd, but blogs are supposed to be readable, right?

Hard to see here, but that frame was full with water and flowing over

So I am definitely having a water week. Water into basements, water into windows, water water everywhere. Today I was called out to a home because the buyer knew that a window in the garage was showing mold damage. I looked at the window, and sure enough, the trough was full! The sprinklers (I know, I've never preached anywhere before that sprinklers shouldn't spray the home) were hitting the windows, then falling down into the frame, where they plugged up the weep holes.

Presto!

Then just like that, weep holes plugged, we have Lake Magna.

Check out the flow coming out of that weep hole after opening

I Felt Like Moses

So I went back around the garage to the exterior to see why the weep holes weren't weeping. Good ol' combination of dirt and hardness had these weep holes plugged up like my dog after he eats marshmellows.

So, rather than part the Dead Sea, I opened up Lake Magna. Used the screwdriver on this mosquito pond and Presto! It drained like a politician's face when he's told his state's pork got cut.

Moral of the Story

Window weep holes. Poor impoverished creatures that they are - here's the lesson: 1: Don't spray the house. 2: Make sure the water running down the window actually drains out. It's another task, but it beats mold. 3: Don't spray the house.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Structural Surprises in Saratoga Springs

Yesterday I took off my Garth the Home Inspector hat, and put on my Garth the Structural Engineer hat. I was called out to Saratoga Springs to one of the large homes that bordered right on the lake. It did have an amazing view. I'm thinking the contractor wasn't as good as the view.

Notice the crack in the bottom left center and the buckle at right center

Oops

So the lender already thought it might have had structural issues. He was right. The home had two balconies in back, upper and lower. The structural supports for the lower unit were not just bent, but based on all appearances, completely broken. The deck couldn't even support its own weight. Buckles and sagging and images of a Hollywood collapse. The photos don't begin to do it justice. No way I would stand on that deck. None.

But That Wasn't Even the Worst of It

The deck sagged so much it pulled the fasteners right out

The home had other issues. This lake sediment is very silty, and consolidates much. It seems the contractor did a less than masterful job of compacting all of his backfill around the home, so you get a free thrill ride just navigating the concrete.

It Got Worse in The Garage

I've seen soil settlement this bad only once before. Apparently under the garage, the contractor must have just backed up the backhoe, and filled in a deep chasm. Maybe a gorge of some variety. The garage slab had settled over 12 inches in some areas! The home above the slab dangled, hanging on only by the support provided by the  frame itself! It was frightening.

Yeah, those are my sunglasses, there for perspective

Moral of the Story

Pouring concrete on non-backfill soil is good. Soil compaction is good. Shooting the contractor if he pushes loose fill back into the hole near the foundation: very good. It's also good to watch the contractor, and if he tries to make the deck supports out of sticks and twigs: well, that would be a wonderful idea.

The Renewal of the Drainage Nazi, Part 1097

Lake Bonneville, part 2

As I've probably said more times than anyone would want to count, sometimes I begin to doubt. Could I possibly be going overboard? I've been called the Drainage Nazi - a term I assume with some glee. No wait, not glee - that word's kinda gay. How about if I assume the term with pride? With gumption? With an evil sneer? That's better.

Psychosis Recharged

At any rate, it comes down to this: every time I start to think I'm too psychotic about drainage, I get a new lesson that tells me I ain't seen it all yet. Today was one of those kind of days. Basement entry door. Right after I get done spilling my guts to the client about the many, many ways that water can get into a home, I run into this. 

Inside a very finished and beautiful basement great room, I open the basement back door to check out how things are doing out there. You could have kept fish in this pond. And the water level? I have absolutely no idea why it hadn't spilled over into the family room. Thankfully and miraculously, the carpet was dry. 

Where's The Villain? 

So now the question is Why? and Where from? Was it groundwater? Was it surface water? From the roof? From the sprinklers? Broken head? I didn't want to test anything because another drop would certainly have began the flooding disaster in the basement, and I didn't want to be sued today. Not today. 

Bottom Line Me

The drain was small, but it worked. Too well. After skipping a lot of steps here that didn't get skipped at the inspection, we found that the water was actually being caused by a sprinkler head on the other side of the concrete. It soaked the ground there, and subbed down against the basement entry, then via water pressure pushed its way back up through the drain, where lake Bonneville 2 was now located.

Moral of the Story

I've never said this before, I know. Don't spray the house. Keep water away from the foundation or it will find its way to places that ruin your day. 

Just for good measure, and a good laugh, this is another shot from the same house. As I described in my book: Don't spray that house. It won't grow. 

The Home Owners Don't Know

I did an inspection yesterday in East Cedar Hills. It was a very nice neighborhood above the canyon road.4800 square feet, 2001. Pretty home, impeccable yard. Sometimes when I meet the seller and the buyer is not there yet, I'll take a minute to shoot the bull. I asked him what issues he was aware of.

Dude Was Honest and Successful 

Now, this is a very successful man who was upgrading a gorgeous 4800 square foot home with a dream yard to an 11000 square foot home. To say he was successful would be the world's easiest call. He was also straightforward and honest, and a good guy to be around.

I say all that to get to one point. He had no idea what issues were found at his house. Not because he was a dummy, but he just didn't know what he didn't know.

Um, That Part Slides West

In this part of Cedar Hills, there is quite a history of settlement and sliding. I've seen it in a number of homes in that area. When I asked him what the issues were, he told me that there was just one: the driveway near the road had cracked because of a sprinkler leak.

How wrong he was. This area had cracked because of soil settlement. The settlement also showed up at the driveway slab near the house, under the a/c compressors, and on the back side of the home at the patio, where settlement was stressing the deck above.

That's Not All Folks

His home also had other fairly obvious issues. Electrical plugs that didn't work at all, appliances not working, wood to soil contact, etc. It all surprised him.

The moral of the story? Seller disclosures are nice, but they don't know much. Bear that in mind, and consider it a given that after my inspection, you'll know more about the home than the owners do. Is that bragging on my part? Perhaps. I'm a jerk like that sometimes.

More Meth Musings

So based on the meth homes I have been cleaning up lately, I was coming to the conclusion that most meth homes are the rentals or bottom-enders that are trashed. Yesterday I got an education. I checked out two places that, according to the tests taken by other home inspectors, came out positive for meth. One is a 4-plex, the other a small home - both in Utah County.

They Sparkled

Neither of these showed any sign of dirtiness or meth contamination - this week.

Both of them had been renovated. The 4-plex had four cute and benign little living spaces, all dressed up nice, with excellent paint condition and newer carpets. Even the decor was nice in these units. No stains, no trashiness, nothing. Yet it tested positive for meth. Seems they had painted and carpeted since the bad renter moved out.

Same at the home. The new buyers were investors who had gone through the place and replaced almost everything. The kitchen, bathrooms, paint, carpet, everything. The one area they hadn't replaced was the area that tested positive for meth - the duct system.

What To Add to My Psychosis Check-Sheet

I often tell people that new paint and/or carpet can be a bad thing. You only get to see as much history as the paint is old. Often, when the paint is new in an area, I'll wonder why out loud. It's kinda backwards thinking, I know, but it's the right thing to do when you're in the business of being a professional pessimist.

Now I've added to that psychosis. So now, when I see new paint and carpet my new question is: Why? Are they covering over or replacing the stained conditions that formerly indicated a meth house?

That whole "why?" thing. Amazing what it opens up when you think things are so easy.